Why Pidge Can Never Keep A Date
by SsilverStreak
Summary: Well, there's your first problem. Your teammates keep scaring them off. Lions always are possessive of their pride-mates, after all. (POLYDINS, ignoring all of Season 7 and beyond)


Perhaps the first clue that Neil had that he was in over his head was the fact that his date hadn't thought to mention the giant robot cat on the front lawn.

After leaving his car at the front gate, he began walking down the long driveway to the building at the far end, which could be classified either as a 'huge house' or 'small mansion', depending on your criteria or point of view.

Honestly, it probably took him longer than it should have to realize that the giant pile of red and chrome metal lounging on the grass wasn't a sculpture, and that was only when he ended up jumping as its tail twitched.

Okay, that was freaky.

And it got even freakier when the very-much-not-a-sculpture lifted its head to regard him with blank golden eyes. Even though there were no pupils, Neil felt with all of the certainty of a mouse staring back at a cat that it was looking straight at him.

After a long moment, Neil squeaked "Please don't eat me," and the cat tilted its head slightly before resting it back on those massive front paws in what was clearly a gesture of dismissal.

Shaken, he moved to the edge of the driveway that was furthest from the giant robot and began slowly edging closer to the house while keeping a close eye on the huge cat. It didn't so much as twitch one of its massive red ears, but then he wasn't sure that it could move the ears anyways.

And it was still staring at him. He really wished it would stop doing that.

Walking slowly, and doing his best to not anger the giant robot, he edged closer and closer to the house. Only when it was clear that the cat had no interest in stopping him did he begin to move more normally.

He also noticed that the small bouquet of flowers he had brought now all had broken stems from him gripping them so tightly, which was not going to help his first impression.

When he finally made it to the front door, he slumped against the wall beside it, panting and trying to discretely wipe sweat off of his face without staining his shirt. Honestly, he was already fairly sure that no woman was worth this, but at this point leaving would mean walking past that giant robot cat again, and at least if he went on the date then Katie should be able to put in a good word for him on their way back past.

Hopefully.

He didn't have a mirror, so he did his best to fix his appearance in his reflection from the glass inset of the front door, superimposed over a view of a marble floored entryway and some stairs in the back, plus what looked like a couple of openings into other rooms that he couldn't clearly see.

Once he felt that he was as presentable as he was going to get, Neil rang the doorbell.

It took perhaps fifteen seconds for someone to approach the door and open it. With the extensive grounds and the size of the house, Neil was almost expecting a maid or a butler to do it, but no, the man who opened the door was refreshingly normal. Katie had mentioned she had roommates, so this must be one of them.

Neil plastered on a smile as the man clearly took a moment to size him up, and took the opportunity to do the same. Warm brown skin, dark brown hair, well taller than him, lanky, with a blue button-up shirt over a pair of jeans. All in all, at least much less intimidating than the giant robot lion on the front lawn.

"So, um… is Katie here?"

The man stilled, eyes narrowing slightly, and clearly gave Neil another once-over, this time lingering on the rather worse for wear bouquet in Neil's left hand.

Suddenly he _grinned_ , and Neil took back everything he ever thought about this person being less intimidating than the giant robot lion. This was not a friendly grin, oh no. This grin had far more in common with one that comes at you underwater and has a fin on top.

Warning bells were just starting to go off in Neil's head just as the man leaned down, getting almost nose to nose with him, and that terrifying grin widened a fraction just before he spoke. " _Sure_ she is! I think she's just finishing getting ready, if you want to come inside."

Neil's resolve snapped, and he bolted.

* * *

Lance's grin grew less predatory and more amused as the strange guy ran for the front gates like he was being chased by a pride of lions. Wonder where he would ever get that notion.

He snorted in amusement and scooped up the discarded bouquet of flowers, quietly clucking to himself in dismay at their mangled condition. Just as well that Red had spotted the guy and given him a heads up, Pidge deserved better than a cheap bundle from the local supermarket, and an ill-cared for bunch at that.

Speaking of, Lance looked up at a little niggling in the back of his mind, the sense that one of the other Paladins was nearby. Turns out, all of that fun 'practice' and 'bonding' and 'looking inside each other's head-holes' had formed a small, but permanent, mental connection between everyone in the group.

Lance hadn't been paying attention when Pidge and Allura had been explaining how it worked, and just chalked it up to 'quintessence' and left it at that.

Still, it was pretty useful, since it meant he could now tell if one of the others was nearby, and sometimes even their emotional state. Lance was getting better at telling everyone apart, although he wasn't as good at it yet as Hunk or Shiro.

He was probably a little too pleased with himself when he pegged it as Pidge right before she rounded the bend in the staircase, hands occupied with putting up her newly regrown hair.

"Hey Lance. Who was at the door?"

Lance briefly considered lying and claiming it was a delivery person, but Pidge was too smart to buy that. Better go with a mostly true story then. "Your date swung by. He's _really_ sorry, but he can't make it tonight. He left flowers to make up for it, though." He held up the battered bouquet demonstratively.

Pidge immediately stepped back, one hand shooting up to cover her nose and mouth and the other waving the flowers off. "Keep those things back, I'm allergic to, like, half the flowers in that," she said, voice muffled.

"Gotcha. I think Hunk is experimenting with a new peanut butter cookie recipe, if you wanna go stalk him."

Attention suitably diverted, Pidge immediately perked up and headed for Hunk's Domain, also known as 'the kitchen' by everyone other than Lance and occasionally Pidge.

Look, it was not a stupid name, no matter what Keith claimed.

Lance was more than happy to follow the smallest of their group and take the chance while Pidge was distracted pestering Hunk to stuff the flowers down the garbage disposal. Okay, they probably didn't deserve that fate, but as far as Lance was concerned they were an accessory to the crime at this point. Really, it was probably a mercy kill at this point anyways.

Lance looked up from where he was running water into the garbage disposal while shoving stems into it and grinned at the sight of Pidge trying to duck around Hunk to snag a bite of the cookie dough that he was mixing. While Pidge was faster and more agile than Hunk any day of the week, it didn't take much for Hunk to snag the back of her shirt and hold her up and out of reach of the mixing bowl.

"No, Pidge, there are eggs in this and I don't want you to get sick," Hunk said, giving the smaller paladin a stern look.

Pidge resembled nothing so much as an offended kitten as she dangled there, especially when she crossed her arms and pouted at Hunk. "I just wanted a taste! It's quality control!"

"You can be quality control after they're done and we don't have to worry about you puking your guts up because of raw eggs," Hunk said dryly. "Now behave or it's going to take me even longer to make these because I'm having to kick you out of the kitchen every five seconds."

Pidge huffed and stuck out her tongue at Hunk. Lance caught Hunk's eye and winked, then shoved the last of the flowers down the garbage disposal and turned it and the water off. He quickly dried his hands, then walked up behind Pidge just in time to catch her as Hunk unceremoniously dropped the young woman into his arms.

Holding onto a squirming Pidge was like trying to keep hold of an otter on a sugar high, but Lance had experience from wrangling siblings and cousins and was easily able to carry her out of the kitchen with him.

Lance met Keith coming in one of the side doors, who to his credit didn't bat an eye at the squirming Pidge trying to free herself in Lance's arms. He simply wiped at the sweat on his brow with the towel around his neck, then dropped his hand to ruffle Kosmo's ears. The alien canine was panting, and looked none the worse for wear after his daily jog with Keith. "What did she do this time?"

"Hunk asked me to keep her out of the kitchen while he's baking peanut butter cookies so he doesn't have to keep trying to keep her out of the dough."

Kosmo immediately perked up at the words 'peanut butter', then with a flash of light he suddenly disappeared. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where he went, especially as a moment later they could all hear Hunk yell "WHY ARE YOU ON THE COUNTER KOSMO BAD DOG!"

"HEY DON'T STEAL ALL THE PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES!" In Lance's split second of distraction, Pidge managed to worm herself free and launch herself back in the direction of the kitchen, probably to turn the battle over the bowl of cookie dough into a three-way war.

Lance just sighed, not bothering to get involved with The Great Peanut Butter Brawl. "You really need to train that thing better."

"Pidge or Kosmo?" Keith asked dryly. "Not that we'd have any success with either of them."

When Lance barely cracked at smile at that, Keith gave him a sharp look. "What's wrong?"

A long time ago, this would have had Lance prickling and ready to pick a fight, but there was no shame now in admitting how well Keith knew him. "So, a few minutes ago someone knocked at our door." Keith raised a brow and gestured for Lance to continue. "It was a strange guy. He had flowers and was asking for Katie."

It took approximately three seconds for Keith to work out the rest, and then a low rumble of a growl filled the hallway. Lance gave a sharp, toothy grin and slung an arm around Keith's shoulders, mostly to pause him long enough for Lance to tell the rest.

They didn't need to deal with a homicide charge, after all.

"Don't worry, Red spotted him coming and let me know, so I intercepted him. Jumpy thing, all it took was a grin and he ran off."

Keith snorted, but relaxed as the growl tapered off, though Lance could still feel small vibrations against his arm.

Lance could relate, they were all more than a little (possessive) protective of the smallest of their group.

"We'll talk with the others about this later. If other people are starting to sniff around Pidge…" Keith crossed his arms, eyes narrowed as he spoke.

Lance raised a brow. "Much as I approve of chasing people off, shouldn't Pidge get to make her own decisions on who she dates?"

Keith smirked and glanced sideways at Lance. "Maybe… but that doesn't mean we can't weed out the weak ones. If they can't handle us, then they definitely can't handle Pidge."

Lance's grin turned fierce to echo Keith's. "I like your thinking. Just one more idea…"

"KOSMO ALREADY STOLE THE SPOON, PIDGE, WHY THE HELL DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE ENTIRE BOWL?!" Hunk bellowed unseen from the kitchen.

* * *

Later that evening, after Pidge was distracted with something in her computer room (probably hacking into another country's governmental servers, then sending them a list of all the weak points and a bill for pointing out flaws in their security. Again.), Lance outlined his plan to Hunk, Shiro, and Allura.

Really, the only surprising thing was how quickly they all agreed to it. But then, Lance wasn't the only one getting tired of how oblivious the Green Paladin continued to be.


End file.
